Confidence shaken I returned to a primordial pastime of passing days with contrivances. Like an alcaholic I became drunk daily on the intoxication of artifitial reality. The novel of my life could be written on a grain of rice: I WILL, NOT I AM.
In all the multiverse I have achieved. Any success and failure has, is and will have occured. A subtle comfort.
The Lords of Cosmic Jest stand fitfully drawing lots on my undergarments. The crown of thorns I have woven itches and annoys.
Pandora and Cassandra, Prometheus and Albert Einstein; all equally fools.
But sit I do still. Pondering. Probing. The words 'though art God' resound painfully in my ears. If I am god, and you are god.. we are all god; why hast I forsaken me?
Oh, pardon me. Yes, yes... sorry. No doctor. Yes doctor. I won't forget again. I will call in the morning. I will be alright now, yes, thank you.
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Monday, December 7, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Self Doubt
The motivation to write seems to be slipping away. There are so many distractions, doubts and fears involved that for the moment I am a little overwhelmed. I was very proud of the two peices of flash fiction I entered into two online contests late in August. I had to wait a few weeks before I found out they had both been rejected. It's a blow to my self-esteem, but I knew I shouldnt have expected to be published on my first try.
In a little over half and hour it will be my thirty-second birthday. I celebrated with a large bowl of vanilla ice cream with smarties and whipped topping. Very naughty. Feeling a little melencholy over my birthday I asked a freind to recomend a good comedy. I wanted something to lighten my mood while I savored my sugary treat. She recommended the movie "Marly and Me" It was about a newspaper writer, his family and his dog. It was fresh and delightful at first, turned uncomfortable with drama in the middle and then ended with a searing knife plunged directly into the heart. I am a grown man who scoffs at 'chick flicks', yet I found by the end of this film I had to wipe my cheeks.
The movie also made me think about my future. In eight years when I look back at my life since turning thirty what will I be looking at? I never really knew what I wanted to do when I grew up.. and I still don't. Unfortunately, I have reached the ceiling on the growing up part. I've stepped past the point of no return in terms of youthfull dreaming. It's usually at this point in one's life that they have started their families and established carreers. Since my divorce I have made a reputation for myself as being habitualy single. I don't want to be writing a blog on my fortieth birthday still making excuses for the grey areas in my life. I want it to reflect the brightness in and around me. They say it's never too late to change.
Perhaps if I continue to write, the changes will come.
.
In a little over half and hour it will be my thirty-second birthday. I celebrated with a large bowl of vanilla ice cream with smarties and whipped topping. Very naughty. Feeling a little melencholy over my birthday I asked a freind to recomend a good comedy. I wanted something to lighten my mood while I savored my sugary treat. She recommended the movie "Marly and Me" It was about a newspaper writer, his family and his dog. It was fresh and delightful at first, turned uncomfortable with drama in the middle and then ended with a searing knife plunged directly into the heart. I am a grown man who scoffs at 'chick flicks', yet I found by the end of this film I had to wipe my cheeks.
The movie also made me think about my future. In eight years when I look back at my life since turning thirty what will I be looking at? I never really knew what I wanted to do when I grew up.. and I still don't. Unfortunately, I have reached the ceiling on the growing up part. I've stepped past the point of no return in terms of youthfull dreaming. It's usually at this point in one's life that they have started their families and established carreers. Since my divorce I have made a reputation for myself as being habitualy single. I don't want to be writing a blog on my fortieth birthday still making excuses for the grey areas in my life. I want it to reflect the brightness in and around me. They say it's never too late to change.
Perhaps if I continue to write, the changes will come.
.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
The Shape of Things to Come
So much to talk about... I saw the movie "District 9" and was blown away. It was the most origional science fiction film I have seen in a long time. It was inspiring.
There are two Flash Fiction contests I am entering this month. I have already entered one story to Gemini Magazine, entitled "Silverthread," which is a small story about a man named Herbert Wakerobin who alone is immune to a destructive pandemic fungus called Silverthread. The second contest at Whispering Dragons, I have not submitted to yet. I am thinking about entering my story called "Home for an Old Spaceman."
There is a novel writing class in September at St. Lawrence College I am interested in taking, yet I don't know if I can afford it. I've been putting it off for almost three years now and I would really like to participate.
Tommorow is the next meeting of Writers Ink, and I am not sure if I am prepared. I still have not written anything for this month's writing prompt 'Honor.'
.
There are two Flash Fiction contests I am entering this month. I have already entered one story to Gemini Magazine, entitled "Silverthread," which is a small story about a man named Herbert Wakerobin who alone is immune to a destructive pandemic fungus called Silverthread. The second contest at Whispering Dragons, I have not submitted to yet. I am thinking about entering my story called "Home for an Old Spaceman."
There is a novel writing class in September at St. Lawrence College I am interested in taking, yet I don't know if I can afford it. I've been putting it off for almost three years now and I would really like to participate.
Tommorow is the next meeting of Writers Ink, and I am not sure if I am prepared. I still have not written anything for this month's writing prompt 'Honor.'
.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Per Ardua Ad Alta
I think I have been pushing myself too hard. I've been setting unrealistic goals and then punishing myself when I do not meet them. For example; I had decided that I would write two thousand words a day. For me, that equates to about four hours of sitting in front of the computer. Since I made that resolution not once have I produced two thousand words in a single day. I have decided to scale back that goal a little. I will now try to write at least five hundred words per day.
I thought too that I would try and have something accepted for publication by September, and here it is now... a week in August and I still have nothing. I have noticed that the writing contests are drying up for the year. It seems most of them have deadlines in early April to June. There are still a few left worth trying though.
It seems my Twitter experiment has so far been an utter failure. I have but a single follower. I have not the slightest inclination of how to get more people to follow my Tweets!
Fall classes at St. Lawrence College are fast approaching and I would like to take a writing class. But with the financial trouble I am going through at the moment I do not know if this will be possible.
If I were not so optimistic I would certainly become quite displeased with myself for all the trouble I am having. Per Ardua Ad Alta (Clan Hanna motto, "Through straits to heights!")
I thought too that I would try and have something accepted for publication by September, and here it is now... a week in August and I still have nothing. I have noticed that the writing contests are drying up for the year. It seems most of them have deadlines in early April to June. There are still a few left worth trying though.
It seems my Twitter experiment has so far been an utter failure. I have but a single follower. I have not the slightest inclination of how to get more people to follow my Tweets!
Fall classes at St. Lawrence College are fast approaching and I would like to take a writing class. But with the financial trouble I am going through at the moment I do not know if this will be possible.
If I were not so optimistic I would certainly become quite displeased with myself for all the trouble I am having. Per Ardua Ad Alta (Clan Hanna motto, "Through straits to heights!")
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
"Tweet tweet," said the 60 foot tentacled parakeet!
I've heard all about Twitter ad nauseum. I'm not usually one to run right out and jump on the latest Internet fad, but then I realized Twitter (being limited to 140 characters per "tweet",) was ideal for flash fiction. So, I joined up!
I'm serializing my first collection of Tweets under the title "Howard." It's a story about a very humorless man who dies and finds himself in the presence of God, who tells him the universe is a cosmic comedy club and that Humanity is the single guy in the front row with bucked teeth and a pocket protector. God has gotten bored hearing the same variations of jokes over and over and decides to create a new universe. In a final cosmic jest, he makes Howard the new God before popping out of existence. Follow Howard and his exploits as he attempts to manage the universe and finally develop a sense of humour!
.
I'm serializing my first collection of Tweets under the title "Howard." It's a story about a very humorless man who dies and finds himself in the presence of God, who tells him the universe is a cosmic comedy club and that Humanity is the single guy in the front row with bucked teeth and a pocket protector. God has gotten bored hearing the same variations of jokes over and over and decides to create a new universe. In a final cosmic jest, he makes Howard the new God before popping out of existence. Follow Howard and his exploits as he attempts to manage the universe and finally develop a sense of humour!
.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Diversions
Oh my, I have grown a little lazy and haven't been writing for almost a week! Something else has held my attention for that time. You see, I'm an addict.... my drug is called 'Warcrack'
It is an insidious addiction that I thought I had been able to control. I went cold turkey more than a month ago, then last week I discovered a new source of Warcrack; a free one. I'm sad to report that I fell off the wagon and have been playing the online role playing game, World of Warcraft. (Warcrack for short, a moniker given by many addicted gamers.) Believe me, I am ashamed of myself.
A year and a half ago I was a svelte 200lbs. I walked 20 minutes to and from work on a daily basis. I was vegan, eating healthily and enjoying an active social life... until a coworker introduced me to a 10 day free trial of the game. Here I am now, pushing a hair over 240lbs. I no longer walk to work and I have caught myself eating too much quick and easily prepared starch-rich pasta. The weight gain and sitting at my computer for hours on end have exasperated my back problems. Because of which my workplace has recently cut my hours from 37.5 hours per week to 25 since I was calling in and leaving work too often due to back pain. I no longer go out, and if it were not for facebook I believe my friends would think I had died.
Before the cut in hours I was living paycheck to paycheck. Now, I am in dire financial trouble.
I continue to play the game.
.
It is an insidious addiction that I thought I had been able to control. I went cold turkey more than a month ago, then last week I discovered a new source of Warcrack; a free one. I'm sad to report that I fell off the wagon and have been playing the online role playing game, World of Warcraft. (Warcrack for short, a moniker given by many addicted gamers.) Believe me, I am ashamed of myself.
A year and a half ago I was a svelte 200lbs. I walked 20 minutes to and from work on a daily basis. I was vegan, eating healthily and enjoying an active social life... until a coworker introduced me to a 10 day free trial of the game. Here I am now, pushing a hair over 240lbs. I no longer walk to work and I have caught myself eating too much quick and easily prepared starch-rich pasta. The weight gain and sitting at my computer for hours on end have exasperated my back problems. Because of which my workplace has recently cut my hours from 37.5 hours per week to 25 since I was calling in and leaving work too often due to back pain. I no longer go out, and if it were not for facebook I believe my friends would think I had died.
Before the cut in hours I was living paycheck to paycheck. Now, I am in dire financial trouble.
I continue to play the game.
.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Dissatisfaction
I want to thank my friends and one "Biker Hen" for the wonderful encouragement. It is helping me a great deal to stay motivated to write but I am growing a little impatient with myself. I have not yet developed flow and style. I also need to break away from using narrative exclusively and work on dialogue.
Yesterday I posted a piece of short fiction which I was very apprehensive about considering that it included the rape of a character. I thought it would seem in poor taste. I let two female friends read it and they thought it was the best I had ever written! One even demanded that I turn it into a full short story.
I set a goal for myself when I created this blog that I would try to have a short story published by September of this year. Perhaps Home for Old Spacemen, retitled and flushed out into a full 2,000+ words will be worthy of publication.
Tomorrow is the Writers Ink meeting for July, (I got my dates wrong last week,) and I am looking forward to hearing from a local author and hopefully getting a little critique from the other members of my work.
.
Yesterday I posted a piece of short fiction which I was very apprehensive about considering that it included the rape of a character. I thought it would seem in poor taste. I let two female friends read it and they thought it was the best I had ever written! One even demanded that I turn it into a full short story.
I set a goal for myself when I created this blog that I would try to have a short story published by September of this year. Perhaps Home for Old Spacemen, retitled and flushed out into a full 2,000+ words will be worthy of publication.
Tomorrow is the Writers Ink meeting for July, (I got my dates wrong last week,) and I am looking forward to hearing from a local author and hopefully getting a little critique from the other members of my work.
.
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